Absently Present

Sometimes I think I pay attention to things more acutely now because I am a mother. What was a societal concern before has become an awareness of potential dangers and heartache my child could encounter in life. And the thing I am finding in common with many (many, but not all) issues that children face (sex, drugs, alcohol, things of that nature) is the lack of parental involvement n a child's "personal" life or awareness of unvoiced struggles a child may face. Granted, my child isn't even a year old yet and I am by no means touting myself as a perfect parent because right now my parenting consists of diaper changes, nursing, kisses, and cuddles, but I'm already thinking about how my husband and I are going to combat these serious issues. how are we going to guide our son into making the right decisions so that he is not putting himself in a position of compromise--or how we are going to make sure that he isn't put in positions of compromise as much as is within our control?

I heard a term recently that struck me upside the head because it was a terrifyingly simple concept: present but absent parenting. It's the concept that the parent is in the home, but there is a characteristic of unavailability, be it because Mommy needs her space or Daddy needs some down time after work, neither of which sound bad because parents do need time to themselves and with each other. However, when that "me time" takes precedence over investing in a child with affirmation of worth, nurturing of the parent-child relationship, and spending quality time together, that's a clear indication that present but absent parenting is occurring. At the point where you are placing your immediate needs of pleasure and self fulfillment over the well-being of your child's emotional state of being and development, you've essentially said, "Ok, kid, I think you've got this life thing under wraps, so have at it." (Please note, I'm not pointing fingers--this is purely an observation I've made and pray that God helps me as a parent.]

Children do not pick things up on their own---sports, politics, personal faith, children are nothing if not keen observers of parents because parents are the ones who are set in place by God to be the example of how to live life. Your kids watch you--whether you want them to or not--and what they observe is not just what you want them to see. They watch how you handle failure, they watch how you handle frustration, anger, love, pain, fear, etc. What you do directly affects your child and what you omit to do also affects your child. Assuming (or worse, hoping) your child will take your faith without actively teaching and admonishing him or her in God's Word is the same as thinking that because you set your coffee cup next to a bowl of sugar, your coffee will be sugared because it was in the same vicinity as the sugar. Parents have an extraordinary gift with their children. This profound privilege to engage these little (or not so little) lives, to invest in them, to actively point them towards truth, to help mold them into responsible adults who live their lives to glorify God and impact their world is ours and it cannot be taken lightly or put to the side while we make sure we get our "me time." Because if we don't invest in our children, the rest of the world is going to immediately jump in and do your job for you.

Our children need us to be active participants in their lives. We are supposed to be the one person in their life who is always there for them, cheer for them when they win, guide them in truth, encourage them when they fail, love them regardless of what they do, because we reflect God's love to them. Your child or children should always know they are your favorite over any other child in the world because God gave them to you. I'm not advocating that you give up everything for your kids...wait, no, actually, I am advocating that exactly---give up everything to ensure that you spend quality time with your child, giving them guidance, educating them in the Word, and exhorting them to live a life of principle and respect. There is a very small window of opportunity where we can influence our children before anyone else and we cannot give that up without a fight. What a child learns in his early formative years stays with him for life.My mother, bless her heart, gave up so many nights of sleep because we needed to talk to her about something that was bothering us or that was important to us because she wanted to make sure we knew how much she loved us and wanted to help us make the right decisions in life. Some of my brothers' and my best memories is sitting on my mom's bed talking until 3am. We have a brief time in this world and we can spend it indulging ourselves or we can realize that there is nothing more important than investing in these little lives so that they not only come to a knowledge of God and the truth of His Word, but live their lives according to the principles He has set forth for us.